If a relationship that promotes and encourages our emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth is healthy, then one that engenders conflict, distrust, and fear, must surely be unhealthy. It is unhealthy precisely because the openness, security, and safety that is crucial in order for us to grow and flourish does not exist. Instead we live in a state of constant worry, anger, and turmoil that preoccupies our attention and focuses it into protecting ourselves from further harm.
Dr. Reid's Blog...
Yes, But Do You Really Love Me?
March 7th, 2007No Comments
Couples come to my office for many, many reasons. There are a bewildering array of issues and complaints that have become the focus of their difficulties and inevitably, at least when I meet them, they have run out of options and workable solutions for those difficulties.
When it comes to my understanding of the fundamental nature of problems encountered by couples, there is one primary and repeating theme I tend to see more than others. Most generally, this theme is expressed in the complaint of one of the partners (occasionally both) , that the other just does not understand them.
What are we doing here?
February 14th, 2007No Comments
Relationships serve many different purposes. Minimally, relationships should provide security, comfort and a sense of belonging. But ideally, I think relationships should serve as a vehicle for each other’s emotional, psychological and spiritual growth. That is to say, there is a way to be with each other, to encourage and nurture each other in such a manner as to promote our development in these areas. A way to listen to and respect each other for what one thinks, feels and believes without trying to make the other be like us.
The Fine Art of Relationships
January 30th, 2007No Comments
Everything is in relationship to everything else. The words you see here exist in relationship to each other, to the white background we call the page, and to you, the reader. Likewise”I” only exist in relationship to my world and in my relationship to others.
Whether we like it or not, our sense of who we are generates out of our relationships with our world so that the skill of being in relationships lies in our ability to choose those relationships which are healthy for us, and to let go of those that are not. This of course raises the question of what is healthy.
The Development of Personality Disorders
January 24th, 2007No Comments
In an effort to explain the different psychological and behavioural profiles between the diagnostic categories of “personality disorders” and “neurotics”, current clinical thinking and practice offers a neuro-social model of psychological developmental. The heart of this model is that there are fundamental differences in the character structure of individuals associated with these two diagnostic categories which originate from the early stages of neurological and psychological development; a position supported by increasing evidence in genetic-biological studies as well as psychodynamic-psychoanalytic research.
Resisting Change in Psychotherpay
January 24th, 2007No Comments
“A world that can be explained even with bad
reasons is a familiar world”. (Camus)
People seek the guidance of a therapist when there is disruption and distress in their lives and their usual self-limiting, risk-avoiding way of operating are not paying off. Such patients arrive full of fear, pain, and turmoil expressing strong and genuine wishes to deal with their situation. As surprising at it may seem however, most of these people are not truly serious about actually doing something to change. Rather, their primary motivation is to get the pain to stop.
Depression
January 13th, 2007No Comments
Studies indicate that 15-30% of adults in the general population experience depressive episodes often of moderate severity at some time in their lives. While many individuals will be seen by their family physicians and G.P`s, only only a minority of people with clinical depression seek professional health from psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health workers. Because of difficulties in gaining access to treatment, financial disadvantages, stigma and shame etc., most people suffering from depression do not receive professional help.
One View Of Human Suffering
January 10th, 2007No Comments
We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!Shape without form, shade without colour
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;…
(”The Hollow Men”, T.S. Elliot)
Across the years of offering psychotherapy with thousands of patients, I have been continuously struck by one remarkable and puzzling phenomenon. Almost without exception, psychotherapy patients seem to have tremendous difficulty in presenting the subjective experiences associated with their reported problems. For example, they might say they are sad, but they smile; they say they are angry but they cry. At first glance, this may seem to suggest an intentional hiding or distorting of what they actually feel, a willful attempt to disguise or hold back. In fact, this is not the case.
The Remarkable Thing About Anxiety.
December 14th, 2006No Comments
It has been clear to psychologists for some time that anxiety lies at the heart of most patients’ difficulties. In many cases, people come for therapy because they are afraid of aspects of their world or their own experiences that only mildly affect others or even seem harmless to them. One example that fits into this category are the various phobias people report and these cover an immense range of feared events such as flying, elevators, animals and so on. In such instances our work together consists of finding ways to overcome such fears so as to live life more freely and enjoyably.
But the difficulty faced by numerous other people is not due to such overt anxiety, but rather stems from the strategies they have developed in order to avoid such anxiety. This general tendency to avoid what causes anxiety is what psychologists typically refer to when they use the term psychological defense. It is because of this tendency to avoid events we find distressing that the effects of avoidance operate in a silent and often hidden manner. Continue Reading
New Office
November 28th, 2006No Comments
I have just re-located (Dec 01/06) to a brand new office on lovely Granville Island and am very excited to be here!! I hope to offer some interesting information in this space and welcome any feedback or questions you might have. Cheers!
New Office:
Suite 13 - 1551 Johnston
Granville Island
Vancouver, BC