Vancouver Psychologist Dr. Gordon Reid

When asked why life is stressful, we often talk about the demands of our work, the responsibilities of being a parent, paying our bills and so on.  Yet as I discuss here, every time we interact with another person it introduces an element of uncertainty into our life, and under certain conditions can generate remarkable levels of stress. This article examines the fundamental basis for this stress response and how it  connects to conflict, anxiety, and depression.

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“Yes, there are two paths you can go by
But in the long run
There’s still time to change
The road you’re on

And it makes me wonder. “  (Led Zeppelin – Stairway To Heaven)

Helping someone who is psychologically unhealthy become normal, is not the same as helping them become healthy. In this article I want to highlight this distinction and, in so doing, demonstrate the differences in the underlying assumptions, therapeutic efforts and expected outcomes between these two approaches.

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Have you ever stopped to consider how little people really know each other? I don’t mean casual acquaintances or even friends.  I mean people who say they love and deeply care for each other; people who are willing to commit their lives to each other. Read More

In the last article I suggested that most people  have only a limited awareness of their own experiences.  Rather than utilizing our capacity to be aware of and learn from those experiences we are effectively blind to most of them, and don’t even know we are doing this.  This article examines one of the implications of how this limited approach to our own experiences effects our lives. Read More

In my previous article I was arguing that we cannot truly make choices and therefore changes in our life, if we are not aware of, or conscious to, our own experiences. Since most people seem to think they are already quite aware, then either I am making a weak argument, or we are talking about very different things. This article focuses on my definition of this notion of our lack of awareness in an attempt to clarify that position and also to look at some of the implications which flow from it. Read More

The only reality we have is this living moment. The only possibility we ever have to make a different choice, to alter a course of action, or to change our mind, resides in “this” moment. Yes, we can plan on doing something tomorrow, but both that decision to wait and the action itself when it occurs will be choices made in present tense, “now” moments.

Oddly, it seems to me for most people the significance of “this” moment pales in comparison to how important we consider our past and future to be. This at least seems to be true given how much time we spend there. Indeed, “this” moment seems to have has little meaning, and little value. Read More

Over the course of twenty plus years I have worked with thousands of individuals, a good number who either report as being depressed, or anxious. The really odd thing is, that other than having somewhat similar symptoms, these people were so remarkably different from each other I wonder if we (those who label and treat others) might often be guilty of a fundamental perceptual error.  Let me explain. Read More

  “Alexithymia” is a term coined to describe patients who have so successfully buried their emotional problems that they no longer have any capacity for genuine insight. These patients present as being “emotionally illiterate” such that they have great difficulty in expressing or describing their feelings. Because their capacity to intellectualize and rationalize can be highly developed they often have very strong and rigid opinions about themselves and their life, making two-way communication about these very important issues very difficult and frustrating.   Read More

In the previous article (Understanding Narcissists (Part 1), I began to identify a problem exemplified by the “Myth of Narcissus”. This myth portrays a scenario where a beautiful young boy is mesmerized by his own image staring as longingly and lovingly back at him as he is at it.   Because he does not recognize the reflection as his own, he repeatedly tries in vain to possess an image which he can never truly have. Read More

The first worldwide comparison of depression with four other non-fatal chronic diseases shows that feeling seriously blue is the most disabling of all, according to a recently study. Read More