As a child I was often told “it is better to give than to receive”. I always understood this message in terms of giving gifts to others rather than getting them, and the implication was that somehow in doing so, I would be a better person for doing it. While I could hear what I was being told, I could never quite understand why or how this might be true. It took me a long time to really grasp the crucial significance in this message.
'Couples Work' Category
Identify the sources of conflict within your marriage and discover healthy ways of resolving long term conflicts. Marriage counseling is often used as alternative to divorce or separation for some couples, although it may also be beneficial to couples in the process of a divorce or separation, to help them and their families deal with the changes and emotions being experienced, so that the process is dealt with in a healthy manner.
Quick Jump to Couples Work Posts
Why Are we Fighting When I Am Right?
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007No Comments
If a relationship that promotes and encourages our emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth is healthy, then one that engenders conflict, distrust, and fear, must surely be unhealthy. It is unhealthy precisely because the openness, security, and safety that is crucial in order for us to grow and flourish does not exist. Instead we live in a state of constant worry, anger, and turmoil that preoccupies our attention and focuses it into protecting ourselves from further harm.
Yes, But Do You Really Love Me?
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007No Comments
Couples come to my office for many, many reasons. There are a bewildering array of issues and complaints that have become the focus of their difficulties and inevitably, at least when I meet them, they have run out of options and workable solutions for those difficulties.
When it comes to my understanding of the fundamental nature of problems encountered by couples, there is one primary and repeating theme I tend to see more than others. Most generally, this theme is expressed in the complaint of one of the partners (occasionally both) , that the other just does not understand them.
What are we doing here?
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007No Comments
Relationships serve many different purposes. Minimally, relationships should provide security, comfort and a sense of belonging. But ideally, I think relationships should serve as a vehicle for each other’s emotional, psychological and spiritual growth. That is to say, there is a way to be with each other, to encourage and nurture each other in such a manner as to promote our development in these areas. A way to listen to and respect each other for what one thinks, feels and believes without trying to make the other be like us.
The Fine Art of Relationships
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007No Comments
Everything is in relationship to everything else. The words you see here exist in relationship to each other, to the white background we call the page, and to you, the reader. Likewise”I” only exist in relationship to my world and in my relationship to others.
Whether we like it or not, our sense of who we are generates out of our relationships with our world so that the skill of being in relationships lies in our ability to choose those relationships which are healthy for us, and to let go of those that are not. This of course raises the question of what is healthy.